News

ND Soccer Beats NA 3-1

ND kept its undefeated record with a 3-1 victory over a hapless NA team. Despite falling behind for the first time this season, ND rallied behind quick goals by Andre “The Giant” Silva, Morio “Scorio” Alexander and Peter “Stoichkov” Velikin, and cruised to victory behind the stone wall goalkeeping of Derek “Donkey Kong” Mendez. Unfortunately, Stephanie “Pride of Libertyville” Chamberlain had her scoring streak stopped, but only because she was taken out of the game early in the rout.
Later in the week, ND announced results for the quarter ending October 17, 2001. In a 6 AM PST conference call with analysts, ND CFO Cameron “All Finance, All the Time” Jones gave the following reasoning for keeping ND’s losses later in the week off of the balance sheet:
“FASB Statement for Accounting Standards No. 5 indicates that loss recognition must be both probable and reasonably estimable. Since the losses later in the week were obviously not probable due to ND’s undefeated record, we can keep the losses off the balance sheet based primarily on that condition. However, if a future audit also asks that our loss be reasonably estimable, we can refute that as well – clearly there can be no reasonable estimate of the financial effects of these occurrences on the overall economic position of the ND soccer team. Thus we record only our wins on the balance sheet, and not our losses (though they may be added to a footnote at a later date).”

ND FRC Professor Asis Martinez-Jerez was unavailable for comment at press time.

October 22, 2001
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