ALLSTON (ND Press) – A brisk autumn day…star players hampered by injury yet rising to the occasion…no more friggin’ LEAD cases to read for over a week…this match had all the makings of an instant classic, except for the fact that apparently only one team knew how to play soccer. That team was none other than the mighty ND Intramural Squad! Obviously intimidated by ND’s menacing nicknames such as Marc “New Shoes” Ricks and Marty “Fluent in English” Butler, NF was never able to hit stride. Led into battle by Brendan “Chewbacca” McGeever, and anchored on “NDefense” by Yvonne “Ox” Cheng, ND leapt out to an early lead and never trailed, leading 3-1 at the half and pouring on the goals for a 7-2 victory when the match was ruled a TKO by the ref midway through the second half.
At the post-game press conference, ND Captain Martin “Throw-in Master” Aspillaga revealed some of ND’s stealth tactics for the match. “One of our team members, Derek `Donkey Kong’ Mendez, hosted a party Saturday night. Since one of his roommates was from NF, this seemed the perfect opportunity for a covert mission led by Ben `SEAL of Approval’ Ryan. We invited all of NF over, secretly replaced their normal coffee with Folgers Crystals(tm), and then waited until just prior to game time to reveal the results of their taste test. They were flabbergasted, and less able to perform than Dirk Diggler after a 9-day coke binge.”
Play of the game:
Sid “Vicious” Thacker leapt in the air to win a contested header over NF, deftly passing to the foot of Marc “New Shoes” Ricks, who executed a perfect give and go with Ray “Shanghai Surprise” Yang, causing two from NF to collide and create a gaping hole in the defense. Ricks sped through the gap and fed the ball to the forwards. Futilely attempting to stifle their laughter, ND scored another easy goal on NF, and there was much rejoice.
01:06 Andre “The Giant” Silva (assist: Kelly “Walla Walla” Waldher)
2:53 Morio “Scorio” Alexander (assist: Sal “Wrath of” Khan)
8:01 Someone from NF
12:52 Andre “The Giant” Silva (assist: Duncan “Muscles from Brussels” Van Bergen)
24:20 Adrian “Ultraman” Maizey(assist: Dan “Third Degree” Burns)
27:36 Someone else from NF
28:17 Stephanie “Pride of Libertyville” Chamberlain (unassisted)
33:44 Luis “Huggies” Sanchez
35:09 Dan “Third Degree” Burns (unassisted)
ND 7, NF 2
Cameron “All Finance, All the Time” Jones