Mike Meyer's Prophetic Stats for NI

What you probably already know…
31% are former consultants
24% are ex-bankers
57% live on campus

But did you know…
o 37% will never have their name correctly
pronounced by your profs
o 12% live in Peabody and will therefore suffer from clinical depression
o 98% will hate BGIE (except Seneca, who will dominate every discussion)
o 3 will hook-up (most likely not at the same time, but I’ve seen crazier things)
o 9% will pass on a cold call
o 91% should’ve passed on the cold call, but will instead choose to bullshit
o 18% of the Americans will begin wearing scarves and pashmina wraps in the classroom in a feeble attempt to keep up with those “fashionable” Europeans
o 18% of the Americans will look ridiculous
o 24% will start pronouncing process and niche like the Brits because they “sound so much smarter”
o 42% will resort to using buzzwords in a pathetic last-ditch effort to avoid a 3 (96% of ex-consultants will do this)
o 87% of the BGIE discussions will devolve into anti-French tirades
o 58% will have hot and tawdry fantasies about your profs

In addition, OI Senior Sky Decker and Spiritual Leader, Derek Schrader gave his Lecture on “Suc” cess and Failure. Derek, of course, needs little introduction to this campus. He is one of the most inspiring, most animated speakers ever to walk among the human race. I was fortunate enough, as the holder of the highly coveted Harbus Rep position, to get my hands on THE ORIGINAL script he presented to the new and last generation of I-ers last week. Photos aside, here were the key takeaways for those who forgot to take notes. (We tried to get it on the course platform.)

Module I: Learning From Failures
Derek reminded students to be mindful of “Failed Experiments” and provided the following examples:
o Saving money by using sugar to sweeten apple juice for babies.
o Democracy in early Germany
o Running with scissors in Crimson Greetings
o Cheating on the Briggs-Meyers Test (ENTJ)
o Meditating naked on the top of Mount Everest

Module II: Success – Applying “The Section I Case Method”
1. Do at least two cases each night.
2. Do not attempt more than 3 cases per night.
3. Avoid doing an entire case on your own. Invite your study group.
4. Improve your speed. It may take you two hours to do a case now, but practice hard, and by graduation you will do a case in 30 minutes.

Finally, when you see fellow I-ers walking around don’t forget to greet them with the Section I Cheer!

The End&-and best of luck to NI from OI!!

February 5, 2001
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