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How "I" brings out more than 100%

It is on the eve of the Marketing midterm that I pen this article about my “own” Section I. Prompted by some self-professed pieces about great sections in print recently, I could not stop myself from letting the other alphabets know the recipe of joining the I(vy) League. It was just before the FRC midterm that I got this e-mail from my fellow I, Srivatsa Krishna, who describes his e-notes as “Notes to Myself and Section I.” They provide a key insight into the “magic sauce” that Section I has created for itself.
Begin by noting the following:
If:

A = 1, B=2, C=3, D=4 , E=5, F=6, and so on
Then:
H A R D W O R K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%
Similarly,
K N O W L E D G E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%
But interestingly, and as you?d expect,
A T T I T U D E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
This is how you achieve 100% in Section I.
Section I simply puts airline guys Jan Carlzon and Don Burr to shame as it brings out more than 100% from each. It is the “red book” lovingly called the Section I newsletter that communicates the vision for the week. After a lengthy confirmation process Matt Stovcisk took over as the Editor-in-Chief of the Section I newsletter and threatened to put the Harbus out of business. Matt has taken the lessons of marketing seriously and has priced the publication at $1. The newsletter where “space is no constraint” even boasts of a likely message from Dean Clark. Harbus watch out!

The preceding week also saw fresh ground being broken as the section drowned the FRC blues with “the one and only” Professor Bjorn Jorgensen. The healthy turnout proved that FRC was indeed the 73% most liked subject in the section. Karl “I Am Not Nominal” Holmes was seen plotting another gulp-down after the Marketing midterm exam. The architect of Professor Nirmalya Kumar Look-Alike Day, Peter “I Like Games” Calamari, was seen actively plotting a strategy to lure Professor Nirmalya to Daedalus. By popular demand, Andy “Community Standards” Klump has also consented to make “What is 25% of Something?” a Section I ritual just before midterm nights, and other alphabets are also being welcomed to practice the fun!
The I attitude found a supporter this week in Andwele “Let?s Win Everything” Lewis and prompted a resounding win this week as section I won the Donation to Greater Boston Food Bank Challenge. Last year?s record was eclipsed, as Carolyn “Volunteer” Pestano eagerly looks forward to a more spirited fight the next time. On the sports action front, Section NI?s soccer team marches on to crown themselves as champions of the Intramurals 2001. The team defeated New B by the voluptuous score of 9 to 2. This is what an excited spectator Callie Merrit had to say: “I have never seen such a exciting sport and a wonderful team. I don?t know why I have been losing my time in these silly company presentations and write?ups. Now I finally know I shouldn?t miss the soccer games of Section I.” Callie was definitely emotional at the game and was last seen rehearsing her moves from her cheerleader days for the next game.

Events to watch out for the coming weeks are Section I at the Holidazzle, Dean Clark at Section I, and the must watch Soccer Stars of I in Live Action. Need I say more…I?

November 19, 2001
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