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Down With the January Cohort

Next summer, we will wave goodbye to the January Cohort forever. And all we have to say is: “Good Riddance!”

Why would anyone EVER want to be a January, anyway? It’s like consciously CHOOSING to be a red-headed stepchild. The time has come to put these second-class citizens out to pasture.

If you have any questions about who is a January, just look for the pocket protectors. Think about it: these nerds actually CHOSE to attend school during the summer! Is this the type of student that we should be admitting?

And by the way, we’re not sure if you noticed, but somebody must be putting fertility drugs in their coffee. I mean, how many babies can one cohort manufacture? It’s embarassing! In fact, recent statistics showed that 50% of all January students plan to buy a Dodge Caravan after graduation.

And the Januaries are so OLD, too! It’s like a geriatric ward out there. Pretty soon, they’ll have to be serving prune juice at TGIF! And we’ll have to modify the case selection for the Januaries, too. They’ll probably want some more “personally relevant” cases, such as Rogaine and Depends undergarments.

Friends, it’s time to stop the madness! Let’s put this cohort out of its misery once and for all.

Down with the January Cohort!!!

March 12, 2001
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