April 1st

Department of Operations Implements Project Room Fees Spangler Grille to Become Room Time Trading Floor
April 1st, April Fools, Print Edition, The Harbush

Department of Operations Implements Project Room Fees Spangler Grille to Become Room Time Trading Floor

Spangler Hall – The Department of Operations’ Room Reservations Office said Thursday that it will be implementing per-quarter-hour fees for project room use, responding to student complaints that there’s never a quiet spot to make a phone call when you goddam need one. “This will ensure an equitable distribution of project room resources at a…

Social Enterprise Initiative Launches New Program to Combat Climate Change and Save Weekend Ski Trips
April 1st, April Fools, Humor, Print Edition

Social Enterprise Initiative Launches New Program to Combat Climate Change and Save Weekend Ski Trips

Cumnock Hall – Broken bones, bruised brains, and battered hearts – these are the injuries that have plagued the skiing and snowboarding population at HBS this year. Despite the usual hype and anticipation, record low snowfalls during peak season – especially during the official ski trip weekend – resulted in frustration, scratched equipment, and cringeworthy…

From the Editors’ desk
April 1st, Campus News, Opinion

From the Editors’ desk

HBS students ought to stop taking themselves so seriously With April comes the annual joke issue of the Harbus. We hope you enjoyed its comedic exterior and that it lured you deeper into the issue to read the more usual, serious content therein. Somewhere in there is a metaphor for the way teaching should work…

Harvard Endowment posts record returns driven by selling short an index of Harvard Innovation Lab start-ups
April 1st, The Harbush

Harvard Endowment posts record returns driven by selling short an index of Harvard Innovation Lab start-ups

  Following its humiliating loss of almost $2 billion in value last year, the Harvard Management Company announced that over the past six months alone, it had generated returns in excess of 30% — or $11 billion — prompting spontaneous and wide-spread celebrations across campus. “I chalk our newfound success to a fundamental change in…

Profile in Courage: Scribe maintains steely objectivity throughout duration of section cat-fight.
April 1st, The Harbush

Profile in Courage: Scribe maintains steely objectivity throughout duration of section cat-fight.

Demonstrating extreme professionalism that reflected her high level of training, section scribe Rosemary McDougle maintained a completely placid exterior as she transcribed extended, and indeed indulgent LCA comments between local section enemies Janet Johanson and Mary Fernandez. “I completely disagree with what Mary just said and find her suggestion not only dangerous but wrong,” McDougle…

With Boastful Introductory Email, FGI Team Sets Emerging Market Company Up for Massive Disappointment
April 1st, The Harbush

With Boastful Introductory Email, FGI Team Sets Emerging Market Company Up for Massive Disappointment

“Alright guys, let’s have our first slide focus on our educational backgrounds,” RC Student Brian Dorkin said to his Ghana-destined FGI team as he copied various Ivy League University shields into a meticulously formatted powerpoint slide. “Yeah, then we can list out special skills!” added Susan Goodensorri taking over another part of the shared google…

HBS Admissions Department to Require All Applicants to Submit Social Media Passwords
April 1st, Featured, Features, The Harbush

HBS Admissions Department to Require All Applicants to Submit Social Media Passwords

In a landmark decision, Harvard Business School’s admissions department has announced that, beginning next fall, all applicants will be required to submit their social media passwords to be considered for the full-time MBA program. Admissions Director Chad Losee shared the thinking behind the change. “It was daunting to fill Dee Leopold’s shoes this year; the…

Record number of HBS EC flock to Public Service, Seeking Lucrative Careers in the Trump White House
April 1st, The Harbush

Record number of HBS EC flock to Public Service, Seeking Lucrative Careers in the Trump White House

At a time when many White House positions remain unfilled, a record number of students in the HBS MBA Class of 2017 have descended on Washington to seek their fortune by serving our patriotic, fairly-elected, and proportionally-handed President, Donald Jennifer Trump. Below is a profile of just a few stand-out students and the position they…

Guy Fieri to Open Restaurant in Spangler
April 1st, News, The Harbush

Guy Fieri to Open Restaurant in Spangler

On Friday, HBS announced that it had concluded its yearlong search for a celebrity chef to partner with on a new on-campus dining establishment specifically geared towards the needs of business school students. Beating out other finalists such as Bobby Flay, Giada De Laurentiis, and Wolfgang Puck was the star of the Food Network television…

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